A summer evening

The orange green of warm twilight leaves

indescribable tranquility

the desire to stay undiscovered forever in the window seat of a rickety bus

the delicious knowledge of traveling from nowhere to nowhere

sudden uncontrollable panic

the traffic lights hardly ever stop working...

I've been in love too many times now.

out of it also.

too deep inside.

too far above.

the difference is difficult to tell.

Between here and here.

So it's that difficult?
No it's that easy

to all the grief that leaves us... alone, mourning...

Bombay diary...

Its a little past midnight, and a girl sits by a window hearing the sound of incessant rain. The sounds of tyres going over wet roads, she thinks there is something joyous about it, something like the excitement of children playing in the rain. There are no children out at this time, only the cool night breeze, it makes her happy in the deepest part of her being.
The breeze she thinks , rises up from the arms of a vast sea, the sea which embraces a magical city.She had fallen in love with the city many many times over. She fell in love with it when she saw the dark waters and dark sky merge in the dark night; she had watched,from the margins, the union of these ghosts that too were a crimson black , she had wondered then, if one is born every night, one for each who sits by and watches the orgasm of the rise and fall of these waves.

She had fallen in love with the city when she saw two women on the train at night.One big,one small; one tired and one bubbling with energy; one greying and one about bloom; She had fallen in love with the city when she saw how happy these women were. No men to protect them from the dark of the night, no men who become the dark of the night and no men who preach about either. Just two women, happy, engrossed in nonsensical talk and heading to what they would call home, as the city ran by. Never preaching, never scaring, never loving, never hating. She had fallen in love.


She had fallen in love with the city, when it let her be. When there was no one to tell her how to walk, how to talk, who to love , how to love. She had fallen in love with the city when it taught her alone is not lonely, togetherness is never burdensome and the being can double up into two, many times.

She had fallen in love, even when she hated it. She had fallen in love against her will, this was not a place she wanted to like, away from home, away from the known, but all the while she was falling in love.

Now she sits a room full of packed bags and wonders if ever some loves leave you? and whether exorcism is always what one desires?

City walk

It’s been too many times that walking alone in the city creates in me an immeasurable sorrow. Though really short lived it’s the sorrow of being severed from a centre, the sorrow of insignificance, the sorrow of knowing that you have disappeared as you step into a gali packed with people sounds, people smells and people faces. It’s been so many times.

But sometimes I like walking alone in the city, because sometimes it decides to give in. It gives in on days when I want the centre to dissolve, when I want to be insignificant, when unknown people sounds, people smells and people faces comfort you because they haven’t yet discovered what your sorrow is, they don’t know what you need and so they don’t hold that back, they give it to you unsuspecting, unknowing.

I met Rekha Kumari recently, while trying to cross the road across Dilli Haat, I felt a tap on my shoulder, and then a smile, and a long conversation. Almost surreal, we hopped from one stall to another, I was smiling and so was she, we could have been sisters, friends, lovers, enemies, actors. But we were strangers and I guess that’s where our happiness lay that day.

I don’t know if she has opened the Salman Khan diary in which she took my number since, I don’t know If she ever told anybody about meeting me , I don’t know if she knows that perhaps I needed to meet her, just as a people face on a lone walk in the city.

faizistan

"desire even in the absence of hope "

!

so cool :)